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‘If Women Proposed…’

by Collins ChukwuSeptember 29, 2014

What if? I really can’t say what the world would be like.

The other day, I got into a very interesting discussion with two of the smartest people I know. The argument which was fueled by this Chivalry is Dead and Women Killed it article, started with this statement from a male friend to a female one: ‘Since we are equal, you’re gonna have to propose to your boyfriend”. To which she aptly replied, “Haha, I don’t roll like that.” This was the beginning of an argument on the equality of men and women. If I asked in general, ‘Are we equal?’, I’m sure I wouldn’t be surprised by the responses I got – feminism and chauvinism would definitely come into play.

When faced with understanding the equality of human beings, perspective is the key word. Almost everyone on earth is opinionated – it takes a lot to convince people to listen, not to talk of accepting your own opinions.

Now, what’s my opinion? After being part of the conversation with my friends, in which our lady friend was on the other end of the phone the entire time, I understood that we are actually equal but everyone has roles to play in this wonderful existence we call ‘Life’. This was probably because the person on the other end of the call was very assuring in her facts and points (or maybe I was just scared of what she might have done to me with her feminist super powers). The truth actually is that we are all equal as human beings but as a man has a role to play on earth, so also does a woman. Now that brings me to my other question, which is the subject of this article; ‘What if women proposed (marriage)?’ What if the so called ‘roles’ were reversed? What if?

Since we are equal, who is to say “Men should be the ones doing the toasting?” The lady on the other end of the call (Hereinafter called Ms. I-don’t-roll-like-that) is likely to shoot anyone who refuses to accept that norm. When asked if it’s because of pride that women, especially African, refuse to ask a man they clearly fancy, out on a date, Ms. I-don’t-roll-like-that said “Come on, even the Bible says ‘He who findeth a wife, findeth a good thing…’ We were made to be sought after. That is one of the ‘roles’ of man on earth.” I totally agree with her that the menfolk were designed to withstand refusal/rejection from womenfolk, but who says e no dey pain us die?  She also went on to say that men enjoy the thrill of seeking after a woman.

Na lie oh! No be for Naija!

I know for a fact that it’s also very thrilling to have a woman toast you as a man (but sha, it does get to our head… sometimes). We went on to ask Ms. I-don’t-roll-like-that a few more questions – What if you really like a guy so much but he is totally clueless about it? What if your friend likes a guy, who is ‘correct’, but is also clueless about her attraction to him? What happens then? In her defense, she said “I’ll just give him very good green light and if he doesn’t budge, abeg I’ll free him. I’ll also make my friend give her crush good green light and if he also doesn’t get it, then she should just let him be. Even if I asked a guy out and he said yes, I still wouldn’t take his acceptance to be genuine.”  Whew! There ain’t no breaking this woman.

So, even if women were to do the seeking after, the proposing (as per equality), they believe an average man would just take advantage of the whole situation. However, I know of a couple where the lady did the asking-out and they are engaged now (no she didn’t do the proposing). Ms. I-don’t-roll-like-that says that case is an exception and there’s an exception to every rule.

My other friend, hereinafter called Mr. Please-Ladies-propose, actually mentioned three possible outcomes that could occur in the event a man is sought after by a woman – he might consider the woman cheap and then disrespect her; he might appreciate the gesture and thus respect the woman, or he could follow popular opinion and take advantage of the situation by exploiting the woman.

Mr. Please-Ladies-Propose and Ms. I don’t-roll-like-that had a good argument about these scenarios. Eventually, they agreed with each other that people need to pursue what they want in life. However, he believes that people should always go after what they want in order to avoid regrets, while she argued that there are limits to how far they should go after those desires. Mr. Please-Ladies-Propose is obviously the type of man who would appreciate the gesture from a woman, while Ms. I-don’t-roll-like-that is the type of woman who would rather stick to the green light option. And me, I’m the type of man who wants to remain the writer of this article. Hehe!

Well, I believe that we are equal and both genders have roles to play. Some of us however, take this feminism and chauvinism way too far. Women majorly, because they feel they were really subdued in times past. I think we can move forward with proper acceptance and acknowledgement of our ‘roles’. But still….What if women proposed? Just what if??

I discussed this with my younger ‘super intelligent’ brother who thinks it’s an intriguing topic which raises a few questions on the logistics of dating, courtship and/or marriage. He is of the opinion that the next step in an article like this would be to conduct a survey of some sort, asking women if they would take the chance to ask a guy out. Furthermore, would they propose to him, could they?  Would this change their perception of the guy?

Personally, like my brother, I think there will be a majority that doesn’t consider the act of asking a guy out as abnormal, especially in this rapidly developing and intermingling social media age where barriers to relationships appear lower.

Other questions could be: how many women are still like Ms. I-don’t-roll-like-that? What do men think? Does it affect their ego? Do they feel inferior to other men when this happens, and are they perfectly fine with the ensuing relationship?

All in all, I think it’s a very interesting question which raises a lot of other questions. We need to have an open mind and be in touch with honest feelings and emotions to have intellectual meaningful discussion on the subject.

So please contribute, share your thoughts and look out for our survey, ’If Women Proposed’.


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